Ask Notty Nighat

Amidst all the love and laughter, weddings also bring forth some naughty truths. NottyNighat is here to familiarize you with the trials and tribulations some real brides and grooms have faced before, during and after their weddings:

Dear NN,
My in laws to be, gifted me a diamond bracelet and necklace on mine and hubby’s baatpakki. I just happened to visit my jeweler, just by chance you know, a few days after and I totallllyy randomly thought why not get my new found diamonds valued? Turns out, it’s all cubic zirconia! I’m not materialistic or anything but I want to confront the in laws ASAP without creating bad blood so please help me out Aunty G!
Regards, A Betrayed Heart

Dear Betrayed Heart,
It’s always best to take the high road but if you must ask , ask in a way that suggests you’re just ensuring she wasn’t duped by her jewelers into buying zircon thinking it’s diamonds. Easy Peasy!

Dear NN,
I recently got married and for the Valima my in laws gave me some gold as tradition. Everything was smooth sailing UNTIL the morning after the Valima, when I was asked to return ALL the zevar. If it’s mine why must I return it? That too forun? I want to know if this is normal? Or should I escape while I can? Just kidding but should I? I’m kidding, of course.
Regards, A Looted Bride

Dear Looted Bride,
Easy come, easy go. That’s my motto in life and I now pass it on to you. Focus on your new marriage and let material things fall into place themselves.
Dear NN,
My marriage was called off a day before the Nikkah. My dulhan never wanted to marry me, she was forced by her family all along. Her family is now responsible for breaking my heart. I am embarrassed aur mujhe nai samjh araha how to come to terms with being left at the altar. Please help.
Regards, A Broken Hearted Man

Dear Broken Hearted Man,
This was a blessing in disguise. Imagine being trapped in a marriage that was never truly yours to begin with? Time heals all wound, it will heal this one too.

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Dear NN,
I had my baraat outfit made two sizes too small. I thought it would give me motivation to lose weight but ab the shaadi is three weeks away and abhibhi it’s two sizes too small. I am freaking out and if one more person tells me
khajooraurdoodh diet karo I’m going to kill someone.
Regards, A KFC Bride

Dear KFC Bride,
Good news! Designers always keep a margin for one size so they should be able to sort that out in a jiffy. As for crash diets, intermittent fasting is a healthier way to go. Pile up on nutrition packed meals like daal, sabzi and the occasional fish. Sauna’s are a great way to reduce bloating too. The options are limitless, so fret

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