I love babies. My husband loves babies. We have a combined 6000 nephews who we would die for. But no, we aren’t ready for kids of our own just yet. We haven’t even been married 6 months. We haven’t even gotten around to getting our Nikkahnama registered ( Are we living in sin? For shame!) We aren’t even done instagramming shadi and honeymoon pictures. And you want to tell me I need to replace the pictures of me on the beach with pictures of little feet and baby bonnets? I THINK NOT SIR.
Strangers you just met 2 minutes ago at a wedding, asking you if you’re pregnant, is really a different level of infuriating. Um no, I’m not pregnant, maybe I’m just fat? Ever think of that, buddy? But strangers being nosy and unnecessary is one thing, and your own flesh and blood pressuring you into having unprotected sex to produce an infant solely because they’re lonely and need entertainment is another thing. My mother asks me about the status of my period, more than she asks me about my health after surviving a near fatal bacterial infection. My stomach hasn’t even healed yet mommy, how am i supposed to grow a human in it!?
( Yes I know stomach mei nai bacha banta, it was a joke)
My mother in law is a whole different ball game when it comes to my husband and my plans for a family. 1 week into the wedding, ” Beta, condom toh nai use karahay na?” Week 2, ” Beta, shadi ke baad period toh nai aye na ab tak?”, and Week 3, ” Ab bacha kar bhi lo, mujhe dey kar tum dono chalay jana jahan marzi.” I kid you not, my MIL literally asked my husband what position we’re we’re having sex in and whether or not it’s optimal for conceiving. Um, a violation of privacy is an understatement. At least let the ink on the Nikkah-nama dry, lady.
When I complain about this to people, they just want me to accept it as a part of our society. “Yehi hota hai shadi ke baad. You’ll get used to it.” Bhai, why should I get used to it? It’s wrong! It’s never okay to ask a woman if she’s pregnant or when she’s planning on getting pregnant. What if Im suffering from infertility issues like so many women today? What if I’m someone who has been trying for years and am coming up short? What if I’m focusing on my career?What if I’m not financially stable enough to give my kid the life he or she deserves? ” Allah deyne wala hai, bacha karlo, rizq bhi ajaega” It’s not that easy when you’re not the one responsible for a whole other human life. And what if, just WHAT IF, I don’t want kids at all? Is that really so scandalous? That I don’t want to bring an innocent life into this horrific world where men running child pornography rings go undetected and end up working for the government? Does that make me a murderer?
To the ladies who want to focus on their careers. To the ladies who are battling infertility. To the ladies coping with the loss of their babies and to the ladies who are happy with what they already have and don’t need a child to fulfil them, you’re not alone. And to everyone asking young couples, or even old couples, when they’re getting pregnant, STOP. It is not your place to ask, and not our duty to tell you. Maybe your question is well meaning and you have good intentions, but you could be actively hurting someone without realising it. Removing this question, ” So when are you guys having kids?’, from your conversation starters, will only do good. MILS are stuck in an era that they cannot be yanked out of, but everyone else, including daughters of said MIL’s, please stop asking. A couple’s conversation of having kids or not is their business and their’s alone. So PLEASE, stop.
