Dating is an incredibly fickle phenomenon. With its unreliable standards, the definition of dating finds itself at the mercy of countless variations. Almost every couple navigates its personal preferences, which shape the dynamics of their relationship. However, what significantly determines this form of bonding is the juxtaposition between personal intimacy and the socio-political inclinations of the people involved.
Princess Treatment and the Risk of Rebranding Financial Dependence:
Interestingly, dating has recently been infiltrated by a narrative that is quite parasitical in nature. Widely referred to as “Princess Treatment”, the new dating criteria for women has garnered significant attention while generating a silent polarization among feminists. This concept of Princess Treatment is built on the foundation that women are entitled to receive financial benefits from their partners, packaged as compensation for their time and companionship. Given this situation, it seems impossible for men and women to enjoy a relationship, inherently meant to cater to the most primal human needs and longings. Now, the stage has been set for a conversation about how Princess Treatment is setting feminism centuries back without any remorse.
South Asian Feminism and the Struggle for Financial Independence:
Haunted by the ever-present ghost of a colonial past, women’s financial independence in South Asia has always been hard-earned. The reasons are not difficult to trace: South Asian societies are deeply shaped by saturated religious inclinations and subsequent patriarchal norms that restrict women’s access to education and employment, resulting in a consequential lack of financial autonomy. Over the past few years, movements, ranging from small private NGOs to larger platforms such as the Aurat March, have inserted feminism into the region against all odds, not as a lifestyle choice but as a survival framework in the face of escalating violence against women. Against this historical backdrop, the romanticization of financial dependence, even when rebranded as empowerment, risks undoing the very gains women before us struggled relentlessly to secure.
Have We Rebranded Gold-Digging as Empowerment?
I’ll attempt to investigate questions like “have we re-branded gold-digging as princess treatment?” and “how are you as a socialist-feminist woman expecting your man to treat you well by planning expensive dates, gifting designer bags, sending money for your nails?” Because feminist preaching for financial independence, equal work rights, and pay-scale equality does not translate into spectacle or social media currency, egalitarian relationships, built on mutual responsibility rather than performance, have been rendered unappealing next to the glossy charm of Princess Treatment.
When ‘Respect’ Becomes a Price Tag:
I intend to make this point with complete acknowledgement of the fact that women across the globe suffer socio-economic oppression, violence, and injustice, regardless, and that their struggle deserves respect and support because even a minor contribution to the cause would save lives. Yet, I have observed this trend spreading infectiously over the past couple of months. My realization is rooted in a conversation I had with a male friend who, mid-rant, casually dropped the line, “apparently, demanding princess treatment is a sign that you respect yourself.” I was stunned to hear that, because it was just a couple of hours ago when a totally unrelated friend was sharing how her fiancé wouldn’t spend money on expensive dates, and because of this, she was almost on the verge of calling off the engagement because she felt disrespected ‘in action’. Both of these situations made the modern romantic relationships appear more thinly shredded than anything, especially with the element of ‘respect’ attached to financial expenditure; the scenario was far more complicated.
Love in a Capitalist Framework: When Romance Becomes Transactional
While a colonial, patriarchal, and capitalist economy is already attempting to seep into the foundations of love, transforming its invaluable essence into something meaningless, evidently, we lack a visionary female thinking on love. One that protects its truth, defends its innocence, and guards the softness and prevents dysfunctionality. As bell hooks maintains, “neglect and abuse cannot coexist with love”, a relationship crippled with emotional or mental abuse stemming from extravagant financial needs on either of the partners harms the entire point of finding a meaningful emotional and spiritual connection. What follows is an examination of how contemporary dating culture repeatedly normalizes these dynamics, with consequences that are emotionally corrosive rather than empowering.
Reverse Oppression or Uncritical Imitation? A Fanonian Lens:
Considering that women have always been on the receiving end of patriarchal oppression, and approaching this situation from a Fanonian lens, they are not supposed to act sensitively, and acting insensitively is not a moral flaw either. When women actively demand that men not just take care of their finances but instead do it in a way that they can show it off to the world and curate a charming social media profile, they are making a choice that can also be read as reverse oppression or vengeance. In reality, however, it reflects a lack of critical restructuring of thought, shaped by limited feminist education and exposure, as discussed earlier. Moreover, the intention is no longer to find peace in companionship, which is a basic human need that gets overlooked completely. Ultimately, loneliness is the natural and inevitable outcome, but it stems from a lack of understanding and reflection on the patterns one is exhibiting.
The Academic Feminist Paradox: Degrees, Independence, and the ‘Rich Husband’ Trend
Speaking of the women who engage with critical thought, who belong to academic fields hyper-focused on disrupting narratives that hinder gender equality, their personal and private takes appear to weigh in favor of “princess treatment”. To prove this point, I’d like to quote a social media post that says, “The Master’s degree was just for decoration, I still want a rich husband.” The likes suggest agreement, and the number is as high as 276k people, out of which a majority is women since they dominate the comment section. With 6.8 million views, this video is evidence of the narrative that favors women being, or wanting to be, financially dependent on men, more so in ways that are beyond the man’s earning means. Mind you, this is not just one video.
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In general, I intend to interrogate these ‘new’ feminist ideals and trends that demand, and in fact obligate, men to offer material compensation to women to qualify as perfect partners. The last time I checked the definition of feminism, it still comprised a movement for social, economic, and political equality for all sexes. But women today are increasingly prone to materialistic inclinations, and a case in point is the viral trends online that shamelessly suggest women deserve men’s extravagant expenditure of money. Ironically, these expectations emerge from the very circles that claim to champion equality, and while defenders often frame them as humor or irony, I can take care of myself, clearly, the need for constant public performance makes the gesture anything but harmless.
Social Media, Influencers, and the Commodification of Love:
Social media has played a decisive role in exporting this mindset into South Asian culture. Figures like Wizard Liz, Shakira, Miley Cyrus, and countless others with massive followings, who have become case studies in how easily women are driven and manipulated by the stories of influencers and celebrities who know how to direct a mindset and mold it. In the South-Asian sphere, this became clear to me when I observed women vocally supporting Wizard Liz during the controversies last year, yet staying largely silent or muted when she publicly forgave her boyfriend after receiving $10,000 as an apology. This shows how many women now evaluate love through TikToks and reels that measure relationships in terms of expensive gifts and their frequency, a “more is less” mentality.
Western Dating Trends vs South Asian Feminist Thought:
Romanticizing princess treatment poses a deeply detrimental contradiction. Outwardly self-proclaimed feminists, who advocate equality for men and women, simultaneously demand material compensation from men, justifying it with the argument that “they deserve to be taken care of.” Ideally, this argument would have been an interesting analogy if it were applied to European or American society, where a superficial feminist ideology is still shaped and schooled by films like Greta Gerwig’s Barbie. In contrast, South Asian feminist icons have long highlighted women’s financial independence through their art and media, in works such as Haq, Zindagi Gulzar Hai, Pamaal, and Kafeel. Yet, Westernized dating trends and influencer culture risk undermining this important message.
So those who believe in gender equality, actively fight for socio-economic justice, and dedicate themselves to patriarchal liberation, embrace these Westernized dating patterns; the irony becomes harder to ignore. In their absolute sane head and conscious mindfulness, they should recognize the problems of Western dating scenarios. Instead, they hypocritically import and replicate them, disregarding the fact that they are going against their very own personal ideals. We rightly judge men for abuse and exploitation, so why ignore the moral implications when women turn relationships into transactional performances?
Equality or Entitlement? Rethinking Modern Feminist Relationships:
Again, this is not to say that men could not lead the financial responsibility in a relationship, but this is a careful dissection of what should not appear as abuse or unrealistic standards. And above all, if it enables patriarchal norms and furthers female oppression because financial liberty is something women have fought for over the centuries, it should be condemned. A proclaimed feminist, despite having an acute understanding of the gravity of this battle women have been fighting for decades now, must discourage such practices and should prioritize emotional alignment, connection, and comfort in a relationship while mutually navigating the financial needs of the relationship.
Article By: Maryam Shakeel
Maryam Shakeel is a writer known for her incisive observations. Engaged with global pop culture, she examines music, media, and celebrity narratives as social texts, tracing their political subtexts, cultural tensions, and the formation of public mythologies.
