THE MARD-O-METER FEAT. SAIEM NASIR

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 THE OWNER OF HOAGIES, KARACHI, TAKES OUR ULTIMATE MANLY TEST! HOW WELL WILL HE FARE?

Ever had a “boyzilian?”
I had to Google what that was, and no. Sounds painful and a little too fruity for my taste.

Ever punched a wall in anger?
Yes, plenty of times. It hurts like hell, but I assure you, you don’t feel angry anymore.

Ever scolded someone else’s child?
Never. I am around a lot of children and I always encourage them if they are doing something naughty, or playing a prank. I would only stop them if they were going to hurt someone.

Ever been chased by the police?
Twice. I went rollerblading down Zamzama with two good buddies, ZubairJeewanjee and Salman Sajun, during a strike a few years ago. We decided to take our shirts off and wrap them around our heads(yes, we were young and stupid). We were confronted by a police van on the intersection of Zamzama and Shamsheer. We panicked and started skating onto on coming traffic to avoid them, while they chased us on the correct side of the street. We kept hiding and changing lanes on Zamzama and they finally gave up. I can never forget that day; it was one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life. The second is more recent. It was late, and I was told to pull over. I knew I was close to my house, so I decided to jet instead of stopping. I drove over the cop’s foot by accident, maybe that’s why they actually chased me.

Ever broken something really expensive that didn’t belong to you?
My friend’s player of the year trophy for football in college. It wasn’t expensive but was really valuable.

Ever seduced a neighbor?
No, sadly never had an attractive neighbor. Had plenty of water balloon fights with neighbourswhen we were kids though.

Ever cleaned poo that wasn’t your own?
Yes, my dog.

Ever practiced a dance move in front of a mirror?
All the time. Currently, I am trying to master the ‘Carlton Dance’ from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. It’s tougher than it looks.

Ever worn women’s clothing?
Wore a ghagra/lehnga thingy for the opening dance on my sister’s mehndi. It was great and very airy. I have also tried on heels to make a friend stop whining about them. She had a solid case.

Have you ever been bitten by an animal?
Yes, cats, dogs, turtles, and recently, a pigeon. Nothing serious.

Ever worked out so hard you vomited afterwards?
Yes, once after a marathon in high school. And once, after suicide runs during KU training.

How many push-ups can you do in a row?
Forty.

What would you do if you woke up at night to find a burglar going through your stuff?
If no family were present, I would fight him for sure.

Dumbest thing you’ve blown a ridiculous amount of money on?
My first, very expensive ‘Pearl’ drum set which I bought freshman year of college. I had no money for food, utilities or essentials. Sold it after a week.

Can you hotwire a car?
No. And it’s not that easy. Stupid Hollywood.

Ever been thrown out of a bar club or restaurant?
Haha, yes! Watching the 2008 champions league final at an English pub. I am a die hard United supporter, and I was just not getting along with this one Chelsea fan behind me. It started with some trash talk, and then one thing led to another and I eventually lost patience with him, and we got into an English style brawl. We were both tossed out to a chorus of cheers.

Raawwwwrrrrr! Saiem gets a chest thumping 13 points!

 

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